Get me off this Rollercoaster

Today is 8 weeks post op.   I really thought I would be better.  This is a roller coaster I want off.  The surgical pain is gone, which is great.  But now I have to deal with the emotional, hormonal side and the energy side of all of this.  I really thought leaving one ovary would save me from this but of course not it's me!  Nothing is simply for me.  I think my body likes to play games with me.  "Let's see what he'll we can put her through!"  I went in for my last post op last week.  I haven't written the update on that because it really took this long to absorb what she had to say.  I at least have less tearful days from the hormones but now it's turned to rage.  My poor husband and kids.  I snap and freak out over "spilled milk" and I am totally not that mom. 

So the dr appt....I went in things are healing well.  Ewww a stich was stuck to scab so she had to yank that out.  If you have never had that done it is the weirdest thing ever!  And my doctor says it's so much fun and she loves doing it.  GROSS, exactly why I am not a doctor.  I went into this appointment to find out a plan.  How are we going to deal with the hormone crap.   It's not fair to anyone involved in my daily life.  My BFF I snap at.  My kids I snap at and of course my husband I want to wring his neck.  And all for no good reason.   Estrogen patch it is.  Hoping that will even things out a bit.  The lump I noticed about a month ago, that ended up being probably a torn ab muscle oh ya now that's lump of scar tissue.  That's fun!  I am still having pain especially on my left "missing" ovary, I'm exhausted and hormonal.  How much longer is this going to take.  Well the random right side pain and the left side pain I'm feelng is spasming tendons and ligaments.   There was so much damage there that that may never go away.  I have to go to pelvic floor therapy in hopes that that will help lower the pain or make it go away.  The dr isn't confident that will help.  So back at square one.  How do I deal with constant pain for the rest of my life!   I can't do that to the kids, or my husband.  oh and top it off "you really need to take it easy for 3 more months, you are still recovering."  Three more months what the hell.  the Dr. Compared my insides to a guy that falls off his motorcycle and gets road rash all over over his body, ya that's what my insides look like. 

Good news is I am up and moving more.  I have figure out how to take which medicine when depending on what activity I am doing.  If I am walking around 30 minutes is about it but if I just stand I can handle and hour or so.  So yes I know, look at the positive I am doing better.
I just feel so overwhelmed by all this.  I have no clue how to plan for what at this point.  I can't plan for an expensive summer vacation because if I still feel like this there is no way I can do that.  I feel like I can't plan beyond 5 mins.  Yes, the endo pain is gone, I am just left with the years of people not believing me and pushing me away of scars and damage internally.