Being real

A few months ago, a person who has become an amazing support person for me told me I needed to start being real.  I thought, real?!  I couldn't possibly be real on how I was feeling and what I was going through.  Sure my husband knew what was going on and knew what a struggle every day was but he is really the only one that knew and I'm not sure he even knew it all.  So after really thinking about it, I decided she was right, I couldn't go on hiding who I really was and what I was really feeling.  Wow, this is really hard.  I have always had the philosophy to fake it till you make it.  It's not ok!  I was always the one to volunteer first, keep plans no matter how I felt and continue on no matter how I was feeling .  It wasn't fair to me. 

Well now that I have done it for a few months HOLY COW it's hard.  I have cancelled plans because I just can't get moving or didnt want anyone around.  I have told people how I really am feeling, that isn't always taken well.  Sure, there are a select few that understand but most don't.   It is hard to hear what people have to say.  "It's been a month since your surgery, you are young, you should be fine by now."  "If you get up and do things you wouldn't be so depressed."  "I'm so glad this will be the end of it, life on the other side will be so much better."  I am realizing most people don't get it.  There are the select few that get it and are very supportive.  Hold on to those few!

If you are reading this because you have this chronic disease know there are people that will support you.  You aren't alone even though often, you will feel like it.  Seek support.  There are bunches of Facebook groups, if nothing else, with women that are going through what you are.  Don't give up. Last year many amazing women gave up their lives to this disease.  Yes, it gets to be too much to handle.  And it is the worst feeling when no one knows or believes what you are going through.  There are people out there who understand!  I promise.   Be true to yourself!  It is the best gift you can give yourself.  It is hard but you will feel better not hiding behind a mask.

If you know someone who has endo, thank you for reading this because just by reading this you are being supportive to them.  I am sure it is hard to sit by and watch someone you love going through all the pain and roller coaster of life.  I am sure my husband will never admit it but that as a support person to me he has suffered abuse from my emotions!  But know as painful as it is for you to deal with it, we aren't trying to be mean and hurtful and it hurts us also.  If you are looking for a way to be supportive be genuine in asking  what you can do.  Sometimes it is as easy as snuggling in bed.  Be ok with sitting and watching a movie.  Or like I asked my husband a couple weeks ago please just get me out of the house and then 10 minutes later, please take me home.  And lastly don't negate our feelings.  Some days we just can't get up.  Depression, pain and emotions can over take me.  It sucks.  I don't like it anymore than you do watching me but there is times I just can't think positive.  Yes I know getting up and doing things helps my depression, but I can't get up because the pain or nausea from hormones is forcing me to stay down.  It's all a nasty cycle!  It's ok, just love us, take a deep breath and just be supportive.  

No matter who you are, be real to yourself.  It's ok to admit you just can't today.  It's ok!  And hang onto those few that do support you because they are more precious than gold!