From the mouth of my BABE!

Here is my husband's take on all this endometriosis crap!!!

Endometriosis has changed my life in so many ways.  It has changed our family life too.  To be completely honest, although this disease is horrible, I always try to find the upside.  End has made me see and realize how much I love and care about my wife.  I already knew I loved her more than anything but it is so much more than that now.  This disease has dragged her down but it has made her fight even harder.  She has had to rely on me even more in turn making me a better man, husband and father.  Endo is really some messed up shit.  As easy as it would be to give up, she hasn’t.  She doesn’t let endo define who she is. 

                As the husband, it has never been a thought of mine to give up on her and walk away.  I hear about men walking away from their wives in similar situations and it makes me sad and upset…ok really angry too.  In a time where love and support are needed, the most, he walks away.  You “boy” are not a man.  I get it it’s not easy by any means but nothing about life is easy…except one thing, loving my wife and kids. 

As crazy as it sounds, endo has made me see even more how amazing my wife it.  Don’t get me wrong, I hate endo and truly wish it never happened to my wife but we don’t have that option.  The only option is to deal with it and know this is going to be a part of our lives forever.  Knowing this, the good days are great days and the bad days are rough but no matter what the day is it’s still our day as a family.  It’s up to us as a husband and wife and family to make it what it is.  This has not only made me better but it has made our kids better.  They are some of the most loving, caring, sweet, awesome kids you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. 

I can’t control what this evil disease does to my wife but I can control how we as a family deal with it.  I know I get my strength from her.  She is a fighter.  As a team we tackle this fight together.  We will never give in and strive to make the best out of whatever this disease tries to takes from or throws at us. 

To any other husband out there, that is going through this and may be lost.  Stop and realize that SHE is the one that has to deal with it physically and mentally every second of every day.  Be there to support her.  Don’t pretend like it doesn’t exist.  LISTEN to how she is feeling.  Take the time to educate yourself.  Remember she has endo, she is not endo.  Take the good days and enjoy, then take the bad days for days of extra love and support.  Remember why you married her…that hasn’t changed.  For better or worse, through sickness and health, it means something!

Elizabeth, you are my wife and the love of my life.  No ENDO is going to change that!

My Prayer Every Day

As I sit here writing today I am at 1,495 views on this blog.  I am so shocked.  When Steffenie first suggested that I do this last November I thought she was crazy.  No way was this gal going to get views on something she writes and especially when I am JUST writing my feelings.  Well lo and behold, she was write.  This blog has been viewed in multiple countries and just shy of FIFTEEN HUNDRED TIMES!  That is amazing.

Every time I sit to write a blog, it is my prayer that this will reach someone that needs to hear it, whether that person is suffering like I am or is in a relationship of any kind with a person that is going through this also.  I am doing all of this to raise awareness for Endometriosis, all disorders that go hand in hand with it and for chronic pain and illness sufferers also.

I am involved in many ways besides just the blog in the hopes of shedding light on a disease that isn't talked about and very much shunned in the medical community.  Steffenie Robinson has been so gracious to allow me to join forces with her, in raising awareness in mainly Oregon but everywhere we can!!!

This year (yes I call a year the same as the schools) my focus is getting a program called EMPOWR off the ground here in Oregon.  It is a program that the Endometriosis Foundation of America has created.  We are looking for mainly high schools to allow a virtual presentation of a program designed to educate and empower our youth to have a voice in their health care and to also know the warning signs that something in their body isn't right.  If you are a teacher, school nurse or have a group that would be interested let me know.  We can do the program anywhere that has internet capabilities.

Another project I am working on is joining forces with Cause and Event.  This is a walk that they do annually.  Any non profit organization can join with them on their 5k walk.  So EndoWomen of Oregon has joined in with them in effort to raise money for research at the Endometriosis Foundation of America.  We have a handful of walkers right now that are registered.  If you would like to find out more info you can check it all out here.  We are looking for walkers locally and virtually.  Also we are accepting donations to be sent to EFA.  Our goal is to raise $2000 for the EFA and we are on way to that goal!

These are just a few ways I am working to raise awareness for the disease that has twisted and turned my life upside down.  How can you help?  What can you do to make a difference?

I am not the mom, I want to be

I am not the mom who sits on the floor and plays Barbies with them. I am not the mom who builds Lego castles.  I am not the mom who sits and plays board games.  I am not the mom who goes on every field trip with them.  I am not the mom who volunteers in the classroom.  I am not the mom who gets dressed to take them to school or to pick them up.  Yes I live three blocks from the school and I drive nearly every time!  I am not the mom who takes my kids to the park.  I am not the mom who has my kids in a million activities. I am not the mom who has a clean kitchen every night.  I am not the mom who makes dinner every night,  sometimes take out is my best friend.

I am the mom that wears my hair thrown up in a pony tail.  I am the mom who shows up any where wearing yoga pants.  I will show up to school wearing no make up and looking like I just rolled out of bed.  I have read all these articles about "those" types of moms.   "You should pull yourself together!"  "You should care what you look like."  Really?  Do you understand if I take a shower, some days that means I have to take a two hour nap afterwards?  If I make myself "presentable" now I don't get to play with my kids when they get home?  So it's a daily choice for me of which battle to fight. 

I am not the mom I set out to be 12 years ago.  I have failed miserably.  I don't get to take them to every event.  I don't have the energy to make dinner every night.  I am the mom who let's my kids eat more quesadillas and hot dogs than any person should.  It's all I can do to get by some days.  My house is a mess.  My kids have lots of chores and I am a stay at home mom.  It's not what this was supposed to look like.

Luckily, I have an amazing husband who plays chess with our kids.  They have a daddy who plays board games with them.  They have a daddy who coaches the soccer team.  They have a daddy that will wrestle with them.  They have a daddy that picks up where mommy lacks. 

I am a mom with chronic pain.  I am a mom with a list of non curable diseases.  I am a mom who has doctors look at me and say "hmmm, i dont know come back in three months."  I am a mom that lays on the couch or in my bed often.  I am a mom that can't drive sometimes because I had to break down and take narcotics to get through the pain.  I am the mom who sees doctors more often than I have coffee dates.  I am the mom who forgets tons of things because of "chronic pain brain fog."  I am the mom who struggles day in and day out to find the balance of what I need to do versus what my body can handle. 

But I am the mom who has more independent kids because of all of this.  I am the mom who has purely passionate and caring kids.  I am the mom who has three kids that can all at least make quesadillas in the microwave.  I am the mom who has kids that look out for each other.  I am the mom that gets more snuggles than most moms ever do.  I am the mom who truly believes I am raising better kids because of my chronic illness.  I am the mom who loves her children more than they will ever know.  I am the mom that will fight everything for her kids.  But they are the ones saving my life every day.  They are the reason I get up.  They are the reason I keep fighting.  They are MY reason!